Indemnity
by Susanne Barringer
Summary: Post-Requiem, humor. Scully finds Mulder's absence to be unexpectedly profitable.


TITLE: Indemnity  
AUTHOR: Susanne Barringer  
EMAIL: sbarringer@usa.net  
ARCHIVE: Anywhere okay with these headers attached.  
CATEGORY: H  
RATING: PG  
SPOILERS: Requiem  
SUMMARY: Scully finds Mulder's absence to be unexpectedly profitable.  
DISCLAIMER: This version of the characters probably belongs to nobody. The real version, however, belongs to Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX.   
  
THANKS to Sue for thinking I'm funny.  
  
_______  
  
  
Indemnity  
by Susanne Barringer  
  
  
Mulder's disappearance turned out to be not as bad as Scully thought it would. Sure, the first couple of weeks were bad. She missed him terribly, some of the time anyway. She had cried herself to sleep every night for the first week, but then she finally quit because it got the pillows all wet, which was uncomfortable, plus she felt dehydrated in the morning. After a while, she got used to Mulder being gone, and, quite frankly, her life had become much easier since he left.  
  
She was now in charge of the X-Files, and that was a nice change. She had a new partner who was working out okay, mostly because she could boss him around. Being in charge was exactly all it was cracked up to be. No wonder Mulder had always been so self-centered and arrogant.  
  
Now she got home at a decent hour every day and didn't spend nearly as much time on the road. She could toss aside cases which looked a little *too* unexplainable, and Mulder wasn't there to insist on goat-suckers or vampires or whatever little explanation he could concoct with a slide projector and a few fancy words. Also, she could send her new partner out to do the pavement pounding, and that was the best part about being the boss.  
  
Life around the office improved as well. Skinner, obviously feeling guilty about having allowed Mulder to be abducted, tried to make up for his lapse in all the ways that mattered. She had gotten a nice hefty raise, a promotion, and a secretary. Okay, so the secretary was only with the X-Files part time, but it was more than Mulder had ever managed to get. Scully had simply drafted a memo and, poof, a secretary, while Mulder had never even tried. It was so nice not to have to take care of all the tedious paperwork by herself, and Roberta, the secretary, had done wonders for Mulder's screwball filing system. Now the cases were actually filed in an order that made sense to normal human beings, not just to Mulder.  
  
All in all, it wasn't so bad. Scully's child was due within a couple of months and, most likely, all would go well there. She would get to raise the child herself and not have to worry about it being influenced by all Mulder's obsessions and weirdness. Sure, it probably had Mulder's genes, or, at the least, alien genes, but she could overcome that with the proper upbringing and education. Environment over heredity. She could easily buy into that. All she needed was a nice strong father figure.  
  
Assuming Mulder didn't come back, of course, which she tried to keep reminding herself was supposed to be the desired goal.  
  
Just as she was getting settled into her new non-Mulder life, things took a turn toward the profitable.  
  
***  
  
Scully arrived at the Borrowed Time Insurance Company, downtown office. She had received a call from a Mr. Bulberry who had asked to meet with her regarding something about Mulder. He had been rather cryptic on the phone, and she figured it had something to do with Mulder missing some premiums or something. She was tired of having to take care of all Mulder's business. She'd had to cancel his phone, his cable, his newspaper, his Penthouse subscription. It was really a hassle when someone just up and disappeared like that.  
  
As she sat waiting for Mr. Burberry, she studied the corporate logo on the wall. Borrowed Time Insurance Company - for your most pressing insurance needs. She was just about to ask the receptionist what kind of insurance they thought was "most pressing" when she was called into Mr. Bulberry's office.  
  
Mr. Bulberry had hardly any hair on his head, but his eyebrows were so bushy they were really just one big giant eyebrow that stretched across his face like a caterpillar. Scully found that distracting. He looked like a Muppet, not that Scully knew much about the Muppets, but she figured pretty soon she'd know all of their names. Kids will do that to you.  
  
"Agent Scully. It's a pleasure to meet you." Mr. Bulberry shook her hand and motioned her to take a seat in front of his desk. "Is it safe to assume you know why you're here today?"   
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Ah, well, that doesn't come as a total surprise. As I understand," he opened a file folder in front of him and marked a place with his index finger, "Fox Mulder was your partner at the FBI?"  
  
"Yes, that's correct."  
  
"Well, he named you as the benefactor for his insurance policy."  
  
"Life insurance?" She was confused. Mulder had a policy as part of his benefit package at the FBI, and she couldn't imagine he'd take out an additional policy on top of that, since he didn't have any family. Besides, he wasn't dead. At least not officially.  
  
"No, he had a policy with us for alien abduction insurance."  
  
Scully had to take a moment to make sure she'd heard correctly. "What?" She couldn't believe Mulder had been such a sucker wasting money on such a stupid thing. Besides, was there really alien abduction insurance? She had heard of it, but only through the Internet where people sold joke policies for $19.95 as gag gifts. In fact, Mulder had bought her one once to be funny, when they first started working together. Of course, later it wasn't so funny since she had actually been abducted. That probably wasn't aliens, though. Maybe he should have bought her a policy to cover being used as a test subject in a global conspiracy. They probably had that here.  
  
"Yes, he had full coverage for all attempted or successful alien abductions, including impregnation."   
  
"I thought those policies were just a joke." Of course, it had said on the sign "for all your most pressing insurance needs," and being abducted was pretty pressing. Probably not for Mulder, but for most people.  
  
Mr. Bulberry shifted uncomfortably. "Unfortunately, people have decided to make money off making fun of other people's tragedies. It's sad really. We are, however, entirely legitimate, one of only two companies in the world who offer the real thing. Unfortunately, the other one recently stopped offering coverage, after the Heaven's Gate thing."  
  
She nodded, vaguely recalling Mulder's annoyance that the Heaven's Gate people had given alien abductions a bad name.  
  
"So, Agent Scully, I'm pleased to present you with a check for fifty thousand dollars." He reached across the desk to hand her a check-sized piece of paper.  
  
She stared at the zeroes. Fifty thousand dollars? For being missing? Wow, maybe Mulder hadn't been such a sucker after all. "That's my payout?"  
  
"Oh, that's just the beginning. Mr. Mulder, a wonderful man I might add--I met with him on several occasions to discuss his policies--had the Supreme Gold Package."  
  
"The Supreme Gold Package?" She was starting to think Mulder had been suckered again. What kind of man would plug so much money into abduction insurance?  
  
"Two hundred thousand dollars a year, paid quarterly, for each year he's gone."  
  
Okay, so a *smart* man would plug that much money into abduction insurance. All of a sudden she was quite sure she loved Mulder after all. She felt like she was going to pass out from it. Who said money can't buy love?  
  
"Forever?" So maybe that wasn't the right question to ask. She was supposed to be hoping he'd return, but two hundred thousand a year...  
  
"No, there's a limit of ten years." Scully calculated in her head. That was still two million dollars. Not bad at all. "But, as I said, Mr. Mulder was smart enough to get the Supreme Gold Package, which includes a double indemnity clause."  
  
Scully was afraid to ask, mostly because asking might sound like hoping he was dead. She used only her eyebrows to ask, just in case.  
  
Mr. Bulberry understood, as people usually did. "In the event of his death due to abduction, or, if ten years pass without his being returned, he can be presumed deceased," Mr. Bulberry whispered the word "deceased" as if he didn't want to upset her. Little did he realize Scully was holding her breath waiting for the grand total, "in which case you'll receive an additional two million dollars, plus whatever payments are left from your ten-year stipend."  
  
Scully swallowed hard. "So, you're telling me, if Mulder never comes back, I get four million dollars?"  
  
"Total? Yes."  
  
Thank God for double indemnity. She had always liked the movie, and now the movie had become her life. Well, except for setting it up herself like Barbara Stanwyck had done because she hadn't done that, nor was she having an affair with Mr. Bulberry. Of course, if she'd known Mulder had so much abduction insurance, she might have considered it. The set-up, not the affair.  
  
She tried to remind herself she was supposed to be distraught, but it was so hard with a check for fifty grand in her hand and the promise of more to come.  
  
"Uh, one more thing."  
  
There was more? Boy, she had really underestimated Mulder and how much he liked her. He had taken out all this insurance in order to provide for her? Or maybe to give her money to help her find him? Who knew what the hell he was thinking. Reading his mind was like trying to read through Kryptonite.  
  
"Agent Mulder also made provisions in case he should have a child at the time of his abduction, a one-time payout of a quarter of a million. I don't want to get personal, but..." Mr. Bulberry motioned toward the direction of Scully's swollen belly. "Does he have a baby?" That was a good question. She had never been entirely sure. After all, she had always made Mulder use a condom. Who knew what kind of alien viruses either of them might have? There was no point in passing that stuff around. Besides, she was barren, and one didn't suddenly become un-barren all of a sudden, except in soap operas. She had to admit, sometimes her life sure seemed like a soap opera.   
  
For a quarter of a million dollars, however, she'd say the baby was Frohike's if that's what Mr. Bulberry wanted to hear.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Great. Then as soon as the baby is born, we'll get the paperwork taken care of for that claim. You should have the money by the holidays."  
  
Mr. Bulberry actually sounded excited, which struck Scully as odd since an insurance company shouldn't happy about having to shell out such a huge amount of money. She, on the other hand, should be excited. And she was. The baby was doing cartwheels inside of her, and she felt such a surge of love swell up for it. Of course, that was probably because it had just paid for its own college education, which is always an exciting thing for a parent.  
  
"Now, Agent Scully," Mr. Bulberry stood up and came around the desk to sit in the chair next to her. "It might surprise you to know that we are actually quite proud that this is our first actual payout under the alien abduction coverage. We've had claims, of course, but they've never been able to be substantiated."  
  
Well, that explained why he was acting like the cat that swallowed the canary. "You can substantiate this?" Even she wasn't sure she totally believed, no matter what Skinner said. Sometimes she wondered if maybe Mulder and Skinner hadn't tossed back a few beers before they went out to the forest that night.  
  
Mr. Bulberry's eyes practically lit up with his next words. He was starting to remind her of Mulder with his enthusiasm. Well, except for the lack of hair. And he was shorter. And that Muppet eyebrow thing. "With an FBI Assistant Director as a witness? The existence of an official FBI file on the matter? That's quite a bit of substantiation. Plus, our investigators have been out to the scene and found suitable evidence--scorch marks, ectoplasm, the usual."  
  
Now why hadn't they thought to look for ectoplasm? Mulder had never told her about that for aliens. For ghosts, sure, like in Ghostbusters. But, whatever, if the Borrowed Time Insurance Company thought it was compelling evidence, she wasn't going to bicker. Not for four million buckaroos.  
  
She had a feeling, however, mostly by the sympathetic way that Mr. Bulberry had just placed his clammy hand over hers, that he was preparing to ask her something. She hoped it wasn't for a date. She didn't think she could go out on a date with a man with one eyebrow. Well, that and she was supposed to be mourning for Mulder, which wasn't an issue so much now that he'd left her with a small fortune.  
  
"Agent Scully, I was hoping I...we could ask you a favor." She nodded. "We" didn't sound like a date, so that was good. "Although large payouts are never our goal, obviously, the whole company is enthused about finally getting to show we are a reliable corporation whose abduction insurance is, in fact, for real and not a scam. Along those lines..." He stopped and swallowed. Scully encouraged him with a nod and pulled her hand from underneath his. She briefly wondered if Muppets had clammy hands. "I wonder if you'd consent to do a little publicity for us, a couple of print and radio ads. I know this is a difficult time for you, but we would benefit so much from a 'real customer' testimonial."  
  
Scully wasn't sure. That seemed a little over the top to her, to be the subject of advertising saying her sort-of lover and maybe-father of her baby had been abducted by aliens in the middle of an Oregon forest while her boss, who was entirely too handsome for his own good by the way, watched the spaceship fly off to . . . well, space.  
  
"Of course, we'd compensate you for your appearances," Mr. Bulberry added, which, as far as Scully was concerned, sealed the deal. She might as well get as much as she could while she could. Who knew when Mulder would come back and spoil everything?  
  
***  
  
Six weeks later, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were household names, the latter having made a few commercials and suddenly become the topic of conversation around water coolers across the country. She began making the rounds of early morning, afternoon, and late night talk shows. She was a guest on the first Regis and Kathie Lee reunion show. She was interviewed by Barbara Walters and People magazine. A few months after that, she quit the Bureau and lassoed her own weekly syndicated radio show, Ask Dr. Scully. People called in from all over the world with questions and stories about the paranormal.  
  
A year later, Scully's autobiography, "I'm Fine," became a best seller, and she won $500,000 on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire for her new charity, LOOAP (a support group called Loved Ones of Abducted People). She had never thought being famous was something she would want to do, but once it happened she kind of enjoyed it. Mostly for the money.  
  
Each time she received a check for an appearance or her quarterly payment from Borrowed Time Insurance Company, she immediately invested it in an aggressive, high-yield mutual fund that, thanks to the soaring overvaluation in otherwise valueless Internet stocks, had resulted in a tidy fortune.  
  
***  
  
Four years after Mulder's disappearance, the former Special Agent Scully sunbathed topless on the French Riviera while her daughter, Roswell, and the former Assistant Director Skinner played in the surf nearby.  
  
At the same moment, deep in the woods of Oregon, two hunters came across the body of a naked, unconscious man covered in goo.  
  
  
END  
_____  
  
  
There really was an insurance company (Goodfellow Rebecca Ingrams Pearson) that offered honest-to-goodness alien abduction and impregnation insurance. They discontinued it after Heaven's Gate (who had a policy with them). They still do, however, offer insurance against immaculate conception, becoming a werewolf or vampire, and many other useful things. An article about GRIP can be found at http://www.amarillonet.com/stories/040397/insurer.html  
  
Meanwhile, send feedback to insure against cranky fanfic authors. :)   
sbarringer@usa.net  
  
All my stories at http://www.geocities.com/s_barringer  
  
  
  



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